


under a blanket of blue

by kintou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Oneshot, jeanmarco, marcojean - Freeform, snk, snk oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 14:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15997352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kintou/pseuds/kintou
Summary: When walking home from his work Jean notices a man stalking him. Afraid, he walks up to the first person he sees walking in the rain, and says: ‘Pretend you know me, please.'  At that time, he couldn't have known that this freckled man would do anything to keep him safe.JeanMarco month - Rainy Day





	under a blanket of blue

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> This summary sounds dark, but it's another happy autumny oneshot (as if I would ever write anything else).  
> The story named after Ella & Louis song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yze147TmBKQ) but I really enjoyed listening to Tom Waits during the writing proces too (this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GIAawSTisE). 
> 
> Anyway, have a lot of fun reading this!

It was pouring outside and I had no umbrella. Still I closed the record shop at the normal closing time. I closed the zipper of my black jacket as high as I could, put my scarf over my head a little, but still I felt the rain fall on my head. I put my phone at the bottom of my bag, pushed my work shirt all over my bag so it couldn’t get wet. Like that I decided to brace the rain, and walk home. I could take a shower when home. It would be fine.

I walked the same way I always did, on the sidewalk next to a big road, a lot of small alleys next to it. The cars rushing by made water splash over the sidewalk.Their lights were reflecting in the puddles. I noticed things I usually didn’t notice, now that I was walking without my headphones in.

Something which I was grateful for, when I noticed that the same person had been walking about three meters behind me ever since I had gotten out of the shop. At first I didn’t think much of it, thought that looking around to check would only make myself irrationally nervous.

When I did though, I noticed that this man was a man I had had a drunk one night stand with. He had send me messages before, messages that I had ignored. The morning I woke up next to him had been uncomfortable. I had felt uneasy next to him, when the alcohol had left my body. Now I realised I had had the right to feel this way. After ignoring his messages three times he was here, following me in this dark street while people’s view was limited by the rain. On a day that everyone was hurrying themselves along, he had waited for me with an umbrella above his head.

I started walking faster, but knew that it wouldn’t work. I wondered if going into the busier part of town would get him to stop following me. I thought for a second, but realised that whichever way I went, I’d have to pass some dark alleys.

That was not going to happen today.

I looked through the street, for a better route, for a shop to go into. Nothing. I was fucked. My heart beat in my forehead. I couldn’t help but think of all the ways this could go wrong.

Eventually, though, I saw a man looking into a etalage. He had an umbrella above his head, looked like he could have been waiting.

As soon as I could I fastened my pace, walked up to the man, and put my hand on his shoulder. He turned his head fast,  with wide eyes. He had freckles all over his face and he gave me a friendly smile as soon as he realised I had been the one to touch him. Maybe he noticed that I was panicking.  

I glanced at the man following me. He was too far to hear us properly.

I turned to the freckled man. Whispered: ‘Pretend you know me, please.’

The man grinned, as if he knew me, then he widened his arms and pulled me into a friendly hug. ‘What’s going on?’ He whispered softly. He had a low and warm voice.

‘I- someone is stalking- following me.’ My voice was weak. I hadn’t noticed how nervous the other man had made me. I fucking hated the way I sounded, but now that this freckled man had hugged me, I knew he’d help me get safe no matter what.  

The freckled man pulled back, held the umbrella above my head as well now. ‘Let’s go, then.’ he said casually.

I just nodded.

While walking he switched the umbrella to his other hand, and put his other arm around me. ‘Is this alright?’ he asked, ‘I’m going to pretend we’re really close.’ All of this was said in a hushed tone, his mouth near my face. It probably looked nothing but soft and romantic. Hell, I wanted this guy to pretend he was my lover. Anything to let the stalking know that he didn’t have a chance.

‘Please do.’

‘What’s your name?’ He asked. All this time he held a casual smile on his face. I noticed what he was doing; he was making it seem like we had a date, like we were supposed to meet up in the first place.

I was already forever thankful to him.

‘Jean, it’s Jean.’

‘Nice to meet you, Jean. I’m Marco.’  Marco held me close with that one arm, as if he was afraid that anything would happen if he let go of me even a little. ‘Were you heading somewhere where you need to be on time?’

‘No. I was heading home.’

‘See that coffeeshop? You want to go in there? He can’t wait outside forever. We’ll wait for him to leave.’

I looked at the coffee shop at the end of the street. There were lights outside of the shop. They already had pumpkins standing in front of the shop, placed around a board that said that they had pumpkin spice latte.

I bit my lip. ‘I don’t want to bother you.’

‘You won’t.’

‘Alright, let’s do that then.’

We walked towards the coffee shop in silence. Marco made sure not to look back at the guy, and he made me confident enough to not do so either.  
He let me step into the coffee shop first, then he closed his umbrella and followed behind me.

‘Oh,’ he looked me up and down. Raised the hand he had been holding me with. ‘You’re completely wet.’ He said.

‘I was planning on walking home without an umbrella.’

We sat down at a table far near the window. If it had been me I would have sat down far away from the window, but I think Marco wanted to make sure he could see the other guy leave if he did.

‘Does it feel bad?’

‘Yeah but it’s not a big fucking deal at a moment like this.’

He chuckled. ‘Feeling alright is especially important at a moment like this.’

I took off my jacket. My sweater had gotten wet through my jacket. I felt the fabric stick to my skin.

Marco started pulling out his sweater. I sputtered. ‘What are you doing?’

‘You can take my sweater.’

‘No.’

‘C’mon, you are going to get sick and cold if you wear your own. Anyway, I’m not that cold because I didn’t get wet.’

‘You’ve done enough.’

He grinned. I looked at his face. He looked confident. The heat had made his cheeks red. He was a beautiful guy, he was spending too much attention on me. ‘I’ll decide when I’ve done enough, alright? Just take the sweater.’

I rolled my eyes, but eventually took the sweater he was holding out to me. He chuckled because of it. I pulled off my wet sweater and put it on the heater we were sitting next to, then I pulled his bigger sweater over my head. It smelled like incense.

The waiter came up to us with a smile. I noticed Marco was looking at my stalker, I was sitting with my back towards the guy.

‘What can I get for you?’ the waiter asked.

I ordered a coffee and Marco ordered a chai latte. Marco ripped his eyes away from the window and looked at me.

‘Are you feeling better?’

I nodded. ‘I guess.. Feeling guilty though.’

Marco smiled. ‘Really, there’s no need to feel guilty. Honestly, if you get home safe my day will be made.’

‘You probably have better things to do.’

Even though he smiled at me softly.

Even though he really gave me a feeling as if I knew him, had known him for years.

‘To tell you the truth, Jean,’ he looked straight into my eyes,  ‘I think meeting people is something unique, and I think it’s a blessing. Drinking coffee with people you don’t know yet is a great delight to me. I really, really don’t mind sitting here with you.’

‘I think this is the most unique meeting I’ve had in awhile.’ I mumbled.

He chuckled as a reply.

The waiter brought our drinks, Marco thanked him kindly. He was that kind of guy; the one who thanks people, helps people.

‘So..’ He put his big hands around his mug. He had freckles all over his fingers as well. Now that I looked at his hand like that I got shy because of the idea of those hands on my hips, where his hand had been minutes ago. ‘Do you mind- eh- telling me who that guy is?’

‘Oh-’

‘Only if it doesn’t bother you.’

I blushed, put my hand on my neck. ‘Eh- I- he-’

How to tell a nice man like this that you’re gay? How to tell him that you’d sleep with someone just because you were lonely, sad and drunk? How do you tell a man like this that it was partly your own fault? I wondered if that would make him awkward. If he’d regret holding me close to him, even if he was just pretending.

But he had helped me, and he deserved the truth. ‘Uhm, I had a one night stand with him- he’s.. eh, we were both very drunk and just- I regretted it the next day.’

‘Did he do something bad to you?’

Of course he was worried about that. I felt that a weight had lifted off my chest; he didn’t focus on the fact I was gay.

‘No.. Not really? It just didn’t feel good, and I left as soon as I could. After that though, he kept sending me messages even when I was ignoring him. Those messages started to sound more aggressive with the day but I just- hadn’t expected him to actually come see me.’

Marco bit his lip. ‘That’s terrible. You should be able to stop such a relationship at any moment.’

‘So you- you don’t think it’s my fault? For- eh- sleeping with-’

‘No. No of course not. Why would you even think that?’

I snorted, looked away sadly. ‘Some people think gay guys like me deserve hell, so someone thinking I deserve this would not be anything new.’

Marco frowned, shook his head. ‘I know, but you should know better to know than to think it’s true. I’m gay myself, and I wouldn’t want you thinking stuff like that about me.’

I swallowed. So he was gay. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine. You don’t deserve to feel unsafe like this. I mean it.’

I put my hand on my face, rubbed my eyes and my forehead while biting my lip. I wanted to cry. He made me feel so damn safe. He was right. Meeting someone like him here was a blessing.

‘Thank you, Marco, for everything.’

 

Marco insisted on walking me home. I understood that, I let him. I also just wanted to talk to him for a little longer. While talking in the coffee shop I had gotten addicted to his warm smile and his sweet voice. The entire time we had chatted like we had known each other and it wasn’t because we _had_ to anymore. As soon as the stalker had left, he was almost forgotten. Marco had calmed my heart with his casual chitchat. We figured out that we were about the same age, he had told me when his birthday was, where he lived, what his family was like. He told me that autumn was his favourite season. That’s why he wasn’t going anywhere when I had talked to him; he was just taking a walk. This shit weather was to him the perfect moment to take a walk. I had laughed at that.

Now we were walking together under his umbrella, and I knew that it wasn’t bothersome for him to walk around in this weather. I was still wearing his hoodie, because he had insisted on me wearing it until I got home. I don’t know.. I stopped fighting him on these things.

We had a soft chat while walking home. Marco didn’t try to touch my hips, pull me closer, or anything like that. He had done so to make clear that I was ‘taken’ when the stalked had been following us. He probably thought that doing so right now, without a good reason, would be awkward to me.

I wanted to walk like that again.

But I didn’t dare to take the first step like that.

So we kept walking next to each other. Every once in a while we’d bump against each other, because the umbrella made us walk close to each other. Sometimes I’d get wet on my left side, I bet he was getting wet on his right side as well. Neither one of us said anything about it.

Eventually we got to my apartment building. I opened the door and stepped in, Marco stayed under the umbrella. ‘Thank you, Marco. You fucking saved me.’

He blushed. ‘Anyone would ha-’

‘That’s bullshit. You’re too nice.’

He smiled at me softly. ‘I’m just glad I did help.’ I bit my lip, wondering what to say next. I didn’t have to say anything, though. ‘Is it alright if I give you my number? If he shows up again you can call me. You- You can’t exactly pretend to be dating someone else again.’

‘That’s a good idea. I don’t want to bother you though.’

‘I already told you, you won’t. I live in between your work and your house, it’s no big deal for me.’ I blushed. ‘Besides, if something happened to you I would never be able to forgive myself.’

‘Alright.. I’ll call you if something happens.’

He grinned. ‘Let’s hope nothing happens.’

‘Yeah.’

‘But if nothing happens, you can still call me. Or text me, you’ll probably give me a heart attack if you randomly call me now; I’ll think something is up.’

I laughed softly. I would text him. Marco made me happy, he made me feel safe. If I worked up the damn nerve to call him, I would.

 

That night I texted him to thank him. Like teenagers that had just had their first date we texted the entire evening. He asked me what I was doing. I told him I was watching a documentary. He asked me what it was about. I asked him what he was doing. He was drinking coffee. Slowly, we got to know every small bit of each others evening, and fuck, it really felt like the most interesting thing in this world. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Eventually I decided to turn off the docu, put on a record, and stare at the ceiling while thinking of his freckles.

 

‘That fucker-’

A few days had passed since I had met Marco, and in that time I had almost forgotten how I had met him. The stalker. Fuck, that guy was persistent. He stood outside, drinking beer, looking super drunk already. I had already turned most of the lights off. I had closed the door (luckily), and stood in the front of the record shop. I was glad that I saw him. I was still safe now. But this fucker had seen me, smiled at me in his own, nasty, fucking way.

I felt a shiver run down my spine.

I wanted to punch the damn guy, but I knew he could take me easily. I knew that he would only find that attractive. I would just play right into his fucking hands.

For ten minutes I waited. I checked some things on my phone, I pretended that I had forgotten something, kept myself busy with the door closer. After those ten minutes the guy hadn’t moved an inch.

I bit my lip, took out my phone from my pocket. ‘Marco’ the name on my phone said. I really didn’t want to drag him into my nasty mess, but he had allowed it. I knew he wouldn’t be bothered by it.

I pressed his caller ID. Marco picked up in less than a second. ‘Jean?-’ not even a hello. He was worried.

‘Ah- h- hey.’

‘What’s up?’

‘Can you maybe come- uh-’

‘Are you alright? Is that guy behind you now?’

‘I’m inside of the shop, the door is closed but- he’s waiting.’

I heard Marco let out a sigh. ‘I’m coming.’

‘I don’t want you to get in trouble. I-’

Marco softened his voice. ‘Jean. I’m not going to let anything happen to you, even if I haven’t known you for a long time. Please trust me.’

‘I do.’ And that was a first. Fuck. That was.. That was really something.

‘I’m on my way right now. I’m getting in my car.’

‘Don’t fucking call and drive.’

‘I have you on speaker!’ He yelled. I laughed. He was a damn idiot.

‘You can hang up. I don’t have anything interesting to say.’

‘What if the guy goes bezerk? No way that I’m hanging up.’

Despite myself, I chuckled. ‘Thank you.’

I listened to the sound of his car, the raindrops against his window. There was some standart radio playing. It was something that sounded like mainstream country. I tried to focus on figuring out if I knew the song. Once in a while I glanced up at the man standing in front of the shop. I tried to not make it obvious that I was watching him.

‘I’m almost there.’ I heard Marco’s low voice.  
I saw a car pull up in front of the shop. It was a small red car. The lights went off and the door opened. Marco didn’t hesitate. When he got out he walked towards the shop directly, in a fast pace. I got out my keys and started unlocking the door, kept the lights on until Marco was near the door.

‘Hey,’ he said breathlessly.

‘Marco.. I’m fucking so-’

‘Shh.. it’s all good.’ he smiled sweetly.

I closed the door, made sure everything was locked. When I did that Marco threw his arm around me and pulled me close. The rain softly hit our heads, we had no umbrella this time. He was not even wearing his coat.

Marco leaded me towards the car, but when we passed the stalker we were stopped in our pace. The man was drunk now. He wasn’t as sneaky as he was last time.

‘You fucking slut.’ was the first thing he said. I wasn’t surprised. Marco stopped walking.

I pulled Marco to walk on, ignore it. At first he listened, took a few steps with me. ‘What that your fucking boyfriend now hm? A week ago you were begging for a fucking-’

Marco turned around.

I gripped his jumper. Wanted to tell him that it was alright. ‘I am, so it would be very nice if you’d stop bothering us.’

Alright. Okay.. He had been nice enough.

‘What the fuck!’  Oh. The man walked towards Marco. ‘You think you can just fuck him now hm? He’s my slut-’ I flinched at that. The man was disgusting, delusional. I just hoped Marco wouldn’t believe him. Wouldn’t believe that this man was just a big, terrible one time mistake. ‘He’s ignoring me for attention! I’m sure. Jean, you slut, you’re just playing hard to get!’

The man reached out to me aggressively, but Marco caught his wrist halfway in the movement. ‘Didn’t you hear? He’s with me now, and I won’t let you talk like this. Please calm down and-’  The man punched Marco on his eye, a hard, careless swing. I watched Marco realise that he’d been hit and recover from it. He bit his lip once. I saw him calm himself. ‘-and I called the police before I came here. If I were you I would back off, you’re not getting any-’

‘Shut the fuck up! What do you fucking know!’  The guy backed off anyway. He turned around. ‘You’re filthy whores, I hope you fucking know that.’ He backed off some more. Marco saw this as a chance to grab me by my wrist and drag me into the car.

We drove for a minute or two, just until we were out of sight. I watched Marco’s face. The place where he had been hit was turning red, and it would definitely bruise. I wanted to tell him I was sorry, but felt like that one was getting kind of old.  

Marco parked the car someplace I didn’t recognize. He looked at me intensely. I stared back at him, wondered what he had to say. “Jean..’

“Ye-jup?’

‘I’m sorry, maybe it wasn’t my place to say those things.’

‘To say what? Marco- you said nothing out of place. If anyone has the right to say whatever about this, it’s you.’ Marco smiled sadly. I reached out, took his face into my hand. I stared at his bruised eye. ‘I’m the one who’s fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this.’

‘I’m so fucking glad you did.’

‘He hurt you.’

Marco grinned brightly. ‘Worth it.’

Worth it, he said. He made my fucking heart leap, my toes tingle. As soon as I heard that casual ‘worth it’. I grabbed onto his head, pulled myself towards him, and pushed my lips against his. It was a rough one, but he made me lose myself.

Worth it, he said.

He had gotten hurt for me.

He had brought me home.

He made me feel safe.

I had never fallen in love with someone so quick, and I had never been so insecure during a kiss. But Marco’s hands flew up to my hair, gripped it tightly. He slightly opened his mouth, let me do whatever. He came as close as he could in these car seats.When I pulled back because I wanted to ask him if he liked this, he kissed my neck, my ear my cheek, my hairline.

‘Hm.. Marco.’

I could feel a smile on his mouth. ‘Yes?’

‘I can’t thank you enough..’

‘You have.’

He pulled back, stared at me.

I blushed, finally said what was on my mind: ‘I- I- fuck. Is it weird if I- I like you? If I fell for you?’ Marco bit his lip. Seemed to think about something. ‘What that guy said was a fucking lie- I swear-’

‘I didn’t think that was true, even for a second.’ I breath in. That was a relieve. ‘I just- I hope this is not just thankfulness. Not just because I helped.’

‘You helped in your own way, because that’s who you are. I fell in love with that too- That’s something only you would do. Of course it’s soon but I just.. I think it’s real.’

‘I- I think you’re right.’

I pulled him closer again. ‘But if I still feel unsafe, can I sleep with you?’

Marco grinned. ‘You sound like you need some kisses before going to bed tonight.’

I chuckled. Marco pulled away and opened the door. ‘Where are we going?’

‘My house. This is my apartment building.’ he pointed at the big building we were standing in front of. I opened my car door as well, followed him. ‘Maybe it’s not a good idea to go home tonight anyway, that- that guy.’

Marco was making no sense at all. That was fine. I liked the suggestion. I’d be glad to stay over. That guy was no threat to me in my home, he didn’t even know where I lived, but still.. After everything that guy had said to me I needed Marco, treating me like I was something important. Whatever, I needed Marco. It had become like that, it was fine like that.

‘Do you want that?’ Of course, even when we were walking to his front door, even when I had kissed him with more love than I had given to anyone in years, he wanted to be sure I wanted this too.

‘Marco..’ I whined, ’Let’s go.’

He chuckled, opened his door. We got closer to each other in the lift, already giving each other small kisses again. Not being able to stand being this close to each other and not touching each other. So we did. Who cares. We got closer to each other, kissed softly, and awkwardly parted when the lift doors opened. No one was there, luckily, they would have noticed our blushes without a doubt.

As soon as the door closed I became shy. Marco’s house was a place where I automatically felt at home in. He had a red couch and a lot of wood. Wooden bookshelves, wooden table, plants, more plants, more plants. He had a lot of art on the wall, and on one of the wooden tables stood the most amazing record player.

I wondered if he had bought records where I work. If he had seen me before I spoke to him.  

‘You can come in, you know.’

I noticed that I was still standing against the front door, staring into his apartment. Marco walked up to me, slowly pushed me against the door, kissed me carefully. ‘Are you alright?’

‘You have a sick record player.’

Marco laughed. ‘Is that it?’

‘I haven’t liked someone for a long time. I haven’t met anyone nice in a long time.’

‘So that’s it?’ he asked softly. I nodded. ‘I have the same thing.’

‘You probably have people swooning at your feet. Saving people in you spare ti-’

Marco kissed me. ‘Idiot.’

Í chuckled. ‘You’re an idiot yourself.’

He kissed me again. I accidentally let my hand slide over his bruised face. ‘Hm- sorry.’

‘It’s fine.’

‘I want to punch that fucking bastard.’

Marco put his lips against mine, kept talking. ‘Shh, I said that it’s no big deal.’ He kissed me hard this time, pushed me against the wall roughly. I let him deepen the kiss, followed like a damn lovestruck idiot, gripped his hair as if I never wanted to let go.

I pulled his hair, let him lean the way I wanted him to. He seemed anything but bothered by it.

Marco bit my neck softly. ‘You’re pretty.’

‘Shut up-’

He gripped my hip, pulled it against his, grinded his crotch against mine. ‘But I mean it.’

I pulled his hair and kissed him on his mouth roughly, our mouths still half open when our tongues touched. Marco undid the button of my jeans pushed it down awkwardly, trying to kiss me at the same time.

When he had finally managed, he pushed his thumb over the top of my cock. Stroked it calmly.

I whimpered, he chuckled.

‘Fucking tease.’ At that he put his hand around my cock and pulled it roughly. ‘Fuck- take- take this off..’ I pulled my own underwear down. He smiled shyly. I don’t know what he was getting shy about now, with my cock already in his hand, but he did. ‘C’mon, fuck, Marco.’

‘So beautiful.’ Marco dropped to his knees.

‘I told you to- ah!’ He took me into his mouth, let his tongue travel over my length at ones.‘Holyshit.’ I felt him lick my tip, then wrap his lips around me and move slowly. He wasn’t hurrying, wasn’t taking me in deep. He looked like he was really enjoying himself. I couldn’t keep my eyes off his face. His eyes were closed calmly, his face was red, his lips completely wet, my penis inside of his mouth. That was- fuck- that was a view I wasn’t going to get out of my head for a while.

When Marco noticed me moaning loudly, whimpering, saying his name, he stopped blowing me. He stood up again. I followed his movement, lost. He grabbed my hand, pulled me towards the couch, pulled his own cock once. I stared at him.

‘Do you-’

‘Fuck me.’

‘I’ll take th- ah- alright, I will.’

He carefully lead me to the couch, to my hand and knees. I pushed my ass up, heard him moan softly. I felt his fingers roam my body, and eventually stop at my hips. I grabbed my hips forcefully, his nails digging into my skin. I moaned, pushed myself towards him even more.

‘Beautiful-’ he whispered while he started fingering me. My body reacting extremely well to him. We fit. He prepared me carefully, and when he pulled all his fingers out, my heart started beating in my throat. I wanted him. I hadn’t wanted anyone like this in a long time.

I felt his tip push inside of me, gasped. He stroked my back. Whispered sweet words. He knew better than to ask if I was alright; I wanted him to hurry up and fuck me. But he was kind. He didn’t ask me anything, he said that he would never hurt me, pushed inside me deeper slowly.

‘Marco-’ I whined.

He gripped my hips, kissed my back.

I moved with him. Breath out his name. He gripped on my hair, pulled it softly. I moaned at that. His fingers touched my neck, my ear. He thrusted me over and over again. When pushing inside of me roughly, he still caressed me softly. He drove me insane.

‘Marco, please,’

‘Tell me what you want, baby,’ Marco whispered against my back. I felt his breath on my back. He pushed into me harder. I grabbed my own cock, pulled on it clumsily. Just cried out. Marco moaned loudly. ‘Jean- what- what do you-’

‘I want to cum- pl-’

He pushed into me hard, pushed his fingers into my skin. I screamed out. ‘Fuck- I-’ He pulled my hips against him, hit me deep. ‘Marco!’

 

Rain ticked against the window loudly. The wind howled. I waited for Marco to return, felt cold. When he returned though, it was with arms full of his blanket. He threw it on the couch, on top of me, with a grin.

‘Can I get under it with you?’

I chuckled, opened the side of the blanket. ‘Idiot.’

He got under the blanket with me and put his arms around me. ‘That warm?’

‘Hmm..’ It was warm. It was warm to stay with someone after sex. The feeling that I had someone I wanted to stay with, that was warm. The fact that I knew Marco would want to take care of me. That I could laugh with him. Listen to good music with him on his amazing record player. That we could walk home together like we had this week. That was warm, that that was what I saw in my future.

‘You’re warm,’

‘Good, thank you.’’

I looked at him. He held a very soft smile. I wanted to kiss his freckles, but I searched for his hand under the blanket.  ‘What for?’

‘I don’t know.. trusting me.’

‘Of course, Marco.. Why the hell wouldn’t I?’

‘Jean, I just-’

‘Listen, Marco. I think I need to tell you that yes, yes, I have been fucked over. I’ve been fucked over by fucked up guys, and fuck, by myself.’ He kissed my neck softly. ‘But that doesn’t mean that I don’t recognise someone amazing when I see him. That I don’t feel what it feels like when I’m.. uh.. being loved. I feel like I’m being loved, Marco.’

‘That’s why I said thank you. Thank you for seeing that. Thank you for giving that back to me.’

‘Hmm..’ I put my arms around him and hid my face in the nape of his armpit.

He chuckled. ‘What?’

I pulled the blanket over my head. ‘I can’t fucking handle cheesy things like this.’

‘You got to.’ Marco tried to pull the blanket away from my head, laughing. ‘Come on, Jean.’

‘You’re just really p-pretty.’ I felt Marco pull the blanket again. ‘And I know you have a cheesy fucking grin on your face-’

‘Jean!-’

‘No, shut up.’

Marco ducked, pushed his head under the blanket with me. Searched for my head with his hands. Took both of my cheeks in hands, kissed my face clumsily. ‘You’re beautiful.’

‘You can’t even see me.’

He laughed. ‘I don’t have to, idiot.’ He kissed me again, from my cheeks to my lips. I followed him in the dark, moved with him, trusted his lead. ‘Sorry for being cheesy, but I just want to keep you close. I- I want to keep you feeling safe,’ he kissed my lips again, ‘can I?’

I gripped his hand tightly. Wanted to see his face as he said something like that. Wanted to kiss every single one of his freckles. Wanted to do nothing more but feel safe. Safe from myself and dark lonely nights. Yes, he was saving me from terrible men, but he would not do it by fighting them, or speaking up to them. He would keep on saving me from nights like that by sleeping next to me. By kissing my lips like that.

He made me want to stay, to not fuck this thing up, to hold him all the time.

‘Do whatever you want, idiot.’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!  
> I hope you enjoyed this. Comments make me happy (:
> 
> You can find me on IG: @theekom  
> and on tumblr: @snk-words & @pastelgays
> 
> Love,  
> Fred


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